(CNN) -- Online dating seems like the pinnacle of modernity, an online meat market where glassy-eyed humans browse possible suitors, sorted for ease of shopping by size, shape and moral fabric. " Along with this savanna comes permission to do stuff that'd get you a drink in the face I. Sure, online dating could benefit from a protocol overhaul in terms of courtesy, but begging everyone to change the rules this late in the game would be stupid.
So advanced does it appear, so streamlined and slick-interfaced and "Jetsons"-esque, that it's easy to overlook a very basic truth: Online dating is the freaking savanna. As in, early humans tearing around the open grasslands without much regard for courtship courtesy. Instead, we'd like to tell you, starry-eyed romantics with big dreams of finding love: Toughen up. Stop weeping onto your keyboard in the online quest for love.
When we type in our logins and go surfing for love, out come all our animalistic instincts: We refuse to give a second look to those who don't meet our physical requirements, rudely ignore those we don't find worthy and generally let our ids run wild. " we think gleefully, our brains reverting to caveman-like activity. In short: Online dating is not for the easily offended.
So if you're offering your heart up to the WWW gods, don't be too put off by the following social un-graces.
Save your sobbing for the disappointment of bad first dates, seemingly perfect mates who can't commit and the Ones Who Get Away. The Offense: After reading Suitor X's profile, you are convinced you two are going to fall in love and wander through tulip fields while Louis Armstrong songs waft from some invisible speaker.
You send off a digital epistle, a perfectly worded blend of snark and flirtatiousness ("Oh, my God, I like 'Witch House' too.
“You should always treat others, as you would like to be treated yourself.
While this sounds so cliché, it definitely applies in this situation. It’s always best to just be up front and honest with them in a nice way. s/he is really a great person, has a lot going for him/her, etc.), and then just say that you don’t feel there was a connection or chemistry.
We are totally meant to be.") Hours later, you log in again and notice that your Match has viewed your profile and chosen not to respond. Rejection hurts; studies show it can actually stoke the pain nodes in your brain.
It's one thing to be rejected in a bar, where you can just tell yourself homeboy must have a boring girlfriend waiting for him at home; it's quite another to reach out to a single-and-looking chap and let him witness your entire stash of documented wit and charm before deciding you're not worth responding to.
I guess I would have thought once you hit 50, committing a felony wouldn't be on anyone's bucket list, but I've met several women who have dated recently-convicted felons, and I have dated two, one of whom was wearing her court-ordered ankle bracelet on our date.) But back to the hurt feelings.
A couple of years ago, when I was dealing with a fair amount of family "stuff," I had to postpone a scheduled first date sort of at the last minute. Don't ever contact me again." Well, thanks for the warning.
THIS MONTH: “Is there a good way to say ‘Thanks, but I’m not interested’ to someone that messaged you? ” Check out how the dating experts responded after the jump.